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Signs You Are not Ready to be in a Relationship

Oh how you long for companionship on lonely nights!  If only you had a kind lover whom you could recite poetry to and make love to all night long. 


Yes, these feelings are natural and quite intense, especially if you have never been in a relationship, rarely ever date, or if you have just exited a once very passionate coupling.  Now the desire to be intimate is appearing again.  But wait!  It’s not quite time to jump into a relationship just because you’re feeling lovely dovey, or as Austin Powers might say, “a bit randy.” Before you start turning on that charm on maybe it’s time to review 10 warning signs that suggest you are NOT ready for a relationship. 


1.You have awful taste in dates

This may come as a surprise to you (or the “friend” you’re asking about) because it’s quite common for a single and lonely person to lament “Why can’t I find a nice guy? (or girl?)  In truth though, you have the capacity to find a nice person…but for some reason you keep seeking out bad news lovers and dates whom you feel attracted to, but that are completely wrong for you.  This is not coincidental or tragic—it’s the sign of immaturity.  Sorry to be so blunt love, but this points to evidence of a psychological phenomenon called self-sabotage.  Oftentimes, lonely people who are struggling with personal issues will look for bad dates just to affirm their suspicions that they (A) are a “loser”; (B) that they can never find happiness; (C) that men/women can’t be trusted; and so on.  The problem is, rather than finding someone to cure loneliness, they seek to reinforce these self-destructive attitudes by dating losers, jerks, drama queens and so forth.  So analyze the people you’ve been dating as of late.  Are you making progress or is your “compass” way off?


Sorry for the lecture, but now we can move onto some more obvious signs…


2. You still live with your parents

We’re not saying that living with your parents is a bad thing necessarily.  Some single people (practicing celibacy before marriage, for example) prefer living with their parents in order to avoid temptation.  Some people move in with parents for a time after a major trauma occurs in their lives and they can’t afford to work full time.  Still, if you are ready to commit to someone in marriage then you have to do the logistical work and find a place to live, find a steady job or career, and generally become an independent person.  We’re sure your parents are nice people, but trust us, they don’t want you moving your main squeeze into the house!


3. You are chronically unhappy

If you are always unhappy while single don’t assume that finding a mate will complete you and turn you into a happy person.  In fact, it’s safe to assume having a new family will double your stress.  Instead of jumping headfirst into a relationship, why not try to learn how to be happy on your own?  This will help you to become a source of comfort for your future partner.


4. You want to save the person

If only someone could stand up and help this person—this person with such great potential.  Maybe that someone is you!  Don’t do it, friend.  It is not your responsibility to save a person—only to love him or her.  In actuality, your determination to “save” could very well be a craving for dysfunction.  (AKA drama mamas)  And that is a huge red flag. 


5. You want to be saved

Again, a “project man” or a project woman is not the type of relationship you want.  If you’re the one coping with drama and dysfunction it’s not practical to believe that one person can save you from this lifestyle.  In most cases, this is an unhappy lifestyle you have brought upon yourself.  Make a positive change first, then find someone who is worthy of you.


6. You have no ambitions

Everyone has ambitions, however, far-fetched or “latent” they might be.  So instead of putting everything on hold just because you’re single, why not try to explore these talents and dreams?  Not only are you accomplishing some good, you will also be MUCH more attractive to another person who will see you are a complete person with your own identity.


7. You’re not over your ex

It takes some considerable time to get over an ex, and usually the first time you say you’re over him/her, you’re lying to yourself.  You must get rid of all the baggage from old relationships so that you can start fresh.  Don’t ruin a good thing by moving in to soon.  Rebounds may be fun for you, but treating a good person with real potential like a “rebound” is not respectful in the least.


8. You’re trying to fit the person’s expectation of perfect

Wrong!  All you can be is yourself.  The moment you start trying to be perfect, you are going about the relationship the wrong way—another sign that you are not ready.  You cannot keep up a lifetime façade.  As tempting as it is to be the perfect date and to snag that 10 model, that doctor, or that movie star, you must realize that faking your way into a relationship is a form of lying.  You won't get in trouble for it; but rest assured the relationship won’t last long. 


9. You Are Underage

Sorry kids, but the facts show that relationships involve sex and sex can sometimes lead to unwanted pregnancy, STDs and a plethora of negative emotions when something goes wrong.  Ideally, you want a relationship when you are mature enough to handle the complexities of starting a family. 


10. You spend all your time complaining on Facebook

Everyone occasionally complains on Facebook, but we must say this: if you spend more time sharing photos, commenting on people’s statuses (that you hardly know) and ranting about mysterious things RATHER than focusing on finding a good mate, then it’s time reshuffle your priorities!

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