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Worst Pick Up Lines

All right so there’s cheesy pickup lines, naughty pick up lines and pickup lines that are just downright bad. Or as the kids might say - epic fail! So if you have ever bombed with one of your own one liners, be happy that at least you never stooped so low as to use these golden turkey award winners.

Be warned: these pickup lines are not just bad—they are downright toxic. Do not inhale. Do not try this at home. However, feel free to read for your own entertainment. If you can craft a better one liner than these (created by 100% dumbasses), then maybe there’s some hope for you yet.

So here we go with the worst pickup lines ever.

  1. I don’t care if you go out with me…I got swag!

  2. I want to be your Ike Turner, Tina.

  3. Is your boyfriend here? (Sit down) Oh yes he is. (Or if she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend) You do now.

  4. You have very big lips. Is it true what they say about girls with big lips?

  5. So I went to the doctor and I am officially disease free! Want to have sex?

  6. You’re ugly but you intrigue me.

  7. I am the best cure for constipation!

  8. Come on, you can’t do any better than me.

  9. You have great legs…when do they open for business?

  10. I want you to have my baby.

  11. Today is your lucky day. I am sitting next to you and you have my undivided attention.

  12. You look like you’ve been run over by a truck. (Or any variation on the “you’re so ugly” theme)

  13. That dress is very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on top of you, I’d be coming too. (Or anything else to do with sperm)

  14. Would you like to be a porn star? (Or an “actress”…no one buys this unless you’re Christopher Nolan)

  15. So…you want a drink or should I just pay you? (Or any variation on the hooker come on…there’s no way you’re getting a date after going there)

  16. My lust for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold back. (Any variation of poop…probably not winning you any points)

  17. So how am I doing? (Or, “Do you like me?”)

  18. Do you have a boyfriend? (Like it really matters to you)

  19. I would marry your dog just so I could be closer to you. (That’s kind of gross, dude)

  20. That dress would look awesome on the floor in my bedroom. (If you’re going to be trite, at least don’t fast forward past the sex)

  21. Smile if you want to have sex with me. (Problem is; a lot of girls won’t smile!)

  22. I am looking for a good Christian wife. (This only works in church…nowhere else)

  23. Want to make out? (Or any dirty variation; a little imagination goes a long way)

  24. Your face or mine? (This just sounds Silence of the Lambs creepy to us!)

  25. So you want to get out of here? (This is something you say hours from now, player. Otherwise, she might say yes and never return to you)

  26. I would kill to make sweet love to you. (Yikes)

  27. “Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.” (Sounds better than it works)

  28. Is your dad a terrorist? Because you da bomb! (Probably best to avoid holocaust jokes too…)

  29. Do you work at Subway? Because someone just gave me a foot long! (This might actually work if you’re hitting on the girl at Subway)

  30. I want to smell you or your ___. (Creepy guys…)

  31. You’re so pretty…heheheheheh. Heh. Heh.”

  32. Are you a parasite? Because you are so under my skin right now.

  33. I’d smash a litter of kitties just to kiss you. (But…why?)

  34. Why go after 10s when I can go for an awesome 7 like you?

  35. Can I buy you a hamburger?

  36. I just got out of a relationship. (Really? That’s your best shot?)

  37. I’m a Trekkie. I date aliens. You’re the closest thing here.

  38. You look easy enough.

  39. I have another date tonight, but in the meantime you’re here. (Also, a really bad idea to say this after sex)

  40. I make more money than you will ever see in your life! (Even if you’re Donald Trump does this really work?)

  41. Any sentence beginning with “Yo.” (At least say, “Excuse me miss…” and then go into your shizzle dizzle mizzle routine)


The bottom line is that there are a million bad pickup lines to sort through. You are actually much better off inventing your own, or at least putting your own personal spin on one of the good pickups. Long story short, don’t be overly crass with someone you just met, and never be flippant or arrogant about this great opportunity of making love to a beautiful woman. And once again, refrain from saying anything too gross. Now that’s not too much to remember, is it?