My Dear Valentine
Home » Pick up Lines » Funny

Funny Pick Up Lines

If you are single, there’s every reason for you to look for a partner with whom you can have a good time and settle down in life. You may have followed all the pick-up lines from the Hollywood movies. There are people who collect nice pick-up lines and use them whenever they see a prospective partner in someone.

The best way to impress a guy or a girl is to make them laugh. Nothing can leave a better first impression on your prospects than making them laugh with some funny pick-up lines. Here is an exclusive collection of pic-up lines for different situations. They are hilarious and at the same time respectful of the opposite sex.

Cheesy Valentine Pickup Lines

  1. I would love to talk to you, but you’re so gorgeous I would be satisfied to just gawk and stare.


  2. You are surely a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.


  3. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears.


  4. So what do you do for a living besides modeling?


  5. Why did you invite all of these single people? I thought tonight was just going to be the both of us.


  6. So…do we have any mutual friends who can introduce us?


  7. Every rose has its thorn. Mind if I sit here and be a prick?


  8. You look my third wife. And I’ve only been married twice! (Works great if you have a drummer who can give you the old rimshot joke drum)


  9. I’m not the richest guy or the smartest guy or the most athletic or the most charming…in fact, why the hell are you even talking to me? (Walk off)


  10. I believe I knew you in a past life. Where we made mad love every day. Until we were both beheaded for obscenity. Kind of feeling sad now. Goodbye.


  11. (For guys) I want to have your baby. Yeah, I’m not afraid of some pain.


  12. So are you here to meet a nice guy? Ah rats, well, will I do?


  13. I am a humanologist and I am studying beautiful women for my thesis. Mind if I do some research?


  14. Come on be original…say yes to me.


  15. (Lick your finger and touch her sleeve) You’re all wet. Let me help you out of those wet clothes.


  16. I am looking for a hot girl to treat me like crap and just use me for sex.


  17. My mom thinks I look like the 1990s John Travolta.


  18. Would you like to come to my mom’s basement for a six episode Star Wars marathon?


  19. Can I buy you a drink? I got food stamps!


  20. Wow when I look at you I feel as if I’ve died and gone to heaven. Then again, I suffer from hallucinations and schizophrenia after years of using crystal meth.


  21. I am going an exotic vacation in the Caribbean with a very sexy girl. Can you watch my dog while I’m gone?


  22. I’m looking for a woman to do dishes while I play old school Nintendo games.


  23. Hi there. Sorry, I’m distracted. I’m just wondering what to do with all this extra pot.


  24. Hey baby, I’m two and a half inches. Oooooh yeah. (Wink) What?


  25. Hey, do you have a car? Because I need someone to drive me to job at “Jack in the Box” tomorrow.


  26. Nice dress. But it would look a lot better on your mother.


  27. Is your mom a baker? Because you smell like yeast. No I mean it as a compliment.


  28. I want to cover you in gravy and stuff you like a Thanksgiving turkey. But…my oven is too small. Well anyway, I’ll see you around.


  29. Is that a toothpick in your pocket or am I just happy to see you?


  30. If I were Chuck Norris I wouldn’t even have to ask.


  31. Hey, I have an idea. Let’s go home and type to each other on the Internet!


  32. If McDonald’s had a sandwich named after you they would call it the McGorgeous with extra bacon and mayonnaise and on a Ciabatta bun with pickles. I blew it right?


  33. Your eyes are blue and beautiful like the toilet water of a rich man.


  34. Is your dad a thief? Because someone stole my new television.


  35. I say we make like a syphilitic brain and go crazy. But together. Because that’s romantic.


  36. Are your legs tired? Because I saw you doing it on a treadmill.


  37. Remember that episode of I Love Lucy when Ricky slipped Lucy a mickey?


  38. I believe in total honesty. I want to impregnate you and occasionally pay child support.


  39. I must be in heaven. Because you look like my dead aunt. No, no she was hot.


  40. So do you have a hot daughter? It’s no big deal. I’m just saying, at your age you would have to get me pretty drunk before I give you access to my magical world of orgasmic pleasure.


  41. Go on a date with me. And I promise to stop killing puppies and kitties.


All right guys, you’ve had your fun. Now let’s consider 9 LOL funny girl pick up lines. There are fewer overall, of course, because cute girls just aren’t as retarded as you lonely guys out there. Burn!!!

 

  1. Are you from Greece? (No) Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece. How about some human-immortal sex?


  2. I don’t spit or swallow. I save it.


  3. I say you and I and my mom’s dildo go make a movie. Are you in? (No) Well, not yet but you will be.


  4. I’m trying to stop dating nice, mature men and start hanging out with total losers. So, you have really cool eyes.


  5. I’m no Betty Rubble but I can make your bed rock. Hey, give me a Bam-Bam and I’ll give you pebbles.


  6. I wish you were my second derivative so you could fill my concavities.


  7. Hey fine looking business man. Are you hiring new employees? (No) Oh that’s a shame because I’d like to be on your staff.


  8. If a fat guy comes and stuffs you in a bag, don’t be afraid. I simply told Santa what I want for Christmas.


  9. Did you just fart? Because you’re taking my breath away.

Top 10 Funny Pickup Lines


  1. Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to give her a call the moment I fell in love.
     
  2. Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
     
  3. Stall inspector. As per regulations, I'm just crawling into your stall to make sure your toilet will hold two people.
     
  4. If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I'd have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that's you.
     
  5. Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!
     
  6. I wish I were a tear so i could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
     
  7. Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to giver her a call the first time I fell in love.
     
  8. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
     
  9. Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

     
  10. Give me your picture please. I want to prove that angel really exists.
     

 

Now hold on, boys and girls. We never said that you wouldn’t get slapped for saying some of these. After all, watching you get slapped in a bar is just hilarious in its own right!


COMMENTS
blog comments powered by Disqus