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Top 10 Funny Dating Tips

You know, when it comes to being single and ready to mingle, you have to whatever it takes to keep a smile on your face. Because searching for Mr. or Ms. Right can be such a frustrating process, have a look at these ten funny dating tips to help you keep a little perspective.


Yes, they are a bit tongue-in-cheek, but when you have been on five bad first dates in a row, sometimes the best way to keep your chin up is to laugh at how strange the journey is. Not only will it help you relax, it will make you remember one thing: this is all going to be a great story you tell your kids someday.


Give a Kiss to Build a Dream On – Or Make It a Nightmare


Anyone who has been in the dating world for an extended period of time knows the first kiss can be pretty treacherous. Neither of you has any idea what the other person likes, so it begs to be a train wreck. And, when it’s bad, it seems like it’s really bad.


However, if you are looking for a good way to keep your date from calling back, go in for the kill like a shark in blood-filled water.


It Doesn’t Really Matter What You Wear


Look, we live in a fairly superficial society. Everyone is worried about making a good impression by putting on a favorite outfit in a bid to dazzle on the first date. Don’t do that. In fact, do the opposite. Show up in an old T-shirt and cutoff sweatpants.


If the person you are having dinner with cannot accept you at your worst, why should they get to enjoy you at your best? (Same goes for personal hygiene.)


Your Date Should Pay the Tab, Always


You ladies are probably saying, “Well, that’s the truth,” but what happens when he passes the check your way at the end of the meal? You’ve done all that work to become a respected contributor at your company and have been telling everyone who would listen how independent you are, right? The man just wants you to prove it. Is that so wrong?


Act Like You’ve Been There Before


Want to really give your date a trip? Pretend you were married before. He or she will find it incredibly difficult to maintain eye contact with you once you tell the story about how your former spouse was locked up in prison. Everybody loves a good sense of humor, right? Why not start out showing your date how funny you are with a great practical joke! The two of you will be laughing about it for years to come.


Bring Your Family Along On Your First Date


Listen, one of the most important dating tips you will ever get is to connect with someone your family likes. If all goes well, the guy or girl you bring home will be around at the holidays until death do you part. This is why it is a great idea to have him or her meet your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins – as many as you can gather, really – on the first date. You will all be able to figure out how you feel about this potential new member of the family immediately.


If you really want to get an accurate picture, create a scorecard and have everyone fill it out. That way, you only go out again if everyone (or at least a two-thirds majority) is in agreement.


Talk About the Future From the Start


What do you want in life? Are you the “American Dream” type – house with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids and a dog? Would you prefer to bum around Europe for a while with your new spouse? These are the kinds you want to get on the table as soon as possible when you are dating. This is one of those tips that pays off in the long run, because it allows you to see how much you have in common.


If you two don’t have exactly the same vision, you might as well move on to the next one.


Intensely Personal Questions Are a Great Way to Break the Ice


Having trouble getting the conversation jumpstarted again after discussing your plans for the future? Do some deeper probing into your date. Get to the heart of who or she is. You could, for example, begin by saying “Why did your last relationship end? Was it because you got that bad haircut? Is your ex better looking than me?”


This will give you the opportunity to really get a sense of your date’s character, what is important to him or her and whether you will be a good long-term match. Keep in mind, if you follow the fifth tip on this list, you will be asking these questions in front of your family. If that doesn’t make your potential mate be honest, nothing will.


Order the Most Expensive Items on the Menu


Though it might seem rude, it is important to keep in mind the first date is a special occasion. Imagine how much better the story will be for your children if you are able to say you had the Lobster Thermidor instead of a boring piece of chicken. They will almost be able to taste the succulent seafood themselves! Don’t forget dessert! Have two or three of them – it’s the only way to end a perfect night, you know?


Steadfastly Refuse to Open Doors


Guys, you have probably heard women say “Chivalry is dead” over and over again. You don’t want to make them look bad by proving them wrong, do you? She can get in the car without your help – same with the restaurant and movie theater. No one is going to get very far in life if they aren’t able to open a door. Give her the confidence she will be able to handle anything that comes her way by pulling or pushing them herself.


Establish Dominance As Soon As Possible


People always talk about the importance of compromise and sacrifice in a relationship. You know why? Because they are losers. The moment you start dating, you are in a battle to be King (or Queen) of the Mountain. Do not yield a single inch – you might never reach the peak!


Instead, insist on having your way at every turn. None of this funny business where your other half thinks it’s all right to have an opinion. You are in control. Period.