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Top 10 Dating Tips for Introverts

Trying to find romance is a challenge under the best of circumstances, but it is even more difficult when you are shy and reserved by nature.


If you are looking for love but find it difficult to bear the thought of stepping out of the house, here are ten dating tips for introverts like you.  


As with anything in the game of love, there are no guarantees, but you will at least have a better shot of finding what you deserve without the headache of cruising your local bar in the hopes of bumping into the right person.  (Nobody wants that, right?)


Before you do anything, make sure you know what you are looking for. 


Much like going to the grocery store with an empty stomach, dating turns out much worse if you have little to no idea what you want.  Once you get an evening with a potential mate who fits the description, stick to these ten tips:


Be Up Front About Your Limits


As you begin making plans to hit the town with your date, give him or her an idea of what you are able to handle – jumping into an already-tense situation and adding an extra bit of stress by heading to a large group function is not ideal.  You might feel like it is too much to ask, but in order to give yourself the best opportunity to relax and enjoy the evening, it’s better to describe what you feel comfortable with.  Most introverts are unwilling to speak up and, thus, will as good a chance at a great first date as you will.


Plan to Meet on Home Turf


Once you have stated your desire to avoid situations where you feel awkward, you should suggest a location you know fits the bill for you.  Not only will you keep your potential date from being exasperated by coming up with other ideas, but you’ve opened up your world to the person you are going out with.


Think about it:  How much better will you be able to converse in the quiet restaurant around the corner from your place?  What could you tell him or her about the menu?  Going somewhere you know will put you at ease and let you “play host,” which should open the door to a fun evening for both of you.


Keep an Eye Out for Selfish Games


As an introvert, you are far more likely to find yourself willing to accommodate the needs of others.  You will listen intently.  You’ll seek out ways to demonstrate your caring.  And, if you are not careful, you could end up being pushed around or run over by someone who cares for little more than themselves.


It might seem cliché, but you must watch out for the fast-talking type attempting to get you caught up in the swirl of his or her charm.  When someone wants an agenda filled as soon as possible, disregarding your thoughts or suggestions almost completely, it is a bad sign.  Find a new possibility without a second thought.


Look for a Listener

In the same vein, as you move through the first few dates, pay close attention to how much of what you say is heard by your date.  Though countless hours are devoted in couples’ therapy to the idea of “reflective listening” – “What I hear you saying is…” or “I feel like you are telling me…” – it doesn’t always work as a relationship is beginning to blossom.


If you want to form a solid connection with someone, see how often he or she asks a thoughtful question as you tell a story.  When your partner invites you to explain your thoughts on a deeper level or seeks clarification, it is a sign of caring.  (This is one of those simple dating tips that might – might – help lower the divorce rate.)


Make Sure You Have Lots in Common Beforehand


This might seem like a no-brainer, but most people head out on dates with little in the way of back story other than, “Oh, I have a single friend who would be perfect for you!”  (Which, we all know, could hardly be more false.)  If you hear someone say this, resist the urge to run away screaming and begin to probe.  “What is it you like about this person?” or “Why do you think we would match up well?” is a great place to start.


From there, you will be able to see if the two of you have similar interests – running or reading or politics – and determine whether it is worth the effort.  Is the answer along the lines of “Well, I just think it could be a good fit,” be cautious.


Silence Makes You Interesting, Just Don’t Abuse It


Everyone knows you can’t help it, but introverts have a reputation of being quiet to a fault.  In the early stages of dating, it can be intriguing to the person sitting on the opposite side of the table.  Before long, though, it is can become annoying or, even worse, infuriating. 


A person that feels as though he or she is trying to pry your jaws open by peppering you with questions will soon leave you looking for another date.  Stick to your normal pattern of being thoughtful in your responses, just avoid the temptation to be painfully short – engaging someone in something more than small talk is a necessity for a long-term relationship.


Have Some Conversation Starters in Mind


If you are like most people, your greatest fear during an evening out is not being able to think of anything to say.  One of the best dating tips for introverts, since you are less likely to be able to come up with an ice breaker on the spot, is to think of a few “go-to” topics to help you jumpstart the evening when awkward silence happens.  Make these ideas personal without being too revealing – “Which superhero would you be and why?” is an easy way to get things rolling again.


Tap Into a Spirit of Adventure


You might think dating is an exercise in controlled chaos – and it is – but that doesn’t mean you cannot have fun with it.  If your natural tendency in the face of uncomfortable situations is, like most introverts, to withdraw, then you will have to be very intentional about pushing past the edges of your comfort zone.  A little bit here and a little bit there will go a long way towards helping you feel more at ease.


That said, be wary of going too far too fast.  If you are afraid of roller coasters, for example, don’t give in to pressure to ride one.  Do, on the other hand, try a different cuisine or learn a new dance step.


Communicate Your Thoughts Regularly


One of the most difficult aspects of dating as an introvert is having the courage to share your feelings, particularly as your relationship gets off the ground.  If you are like most shy types, you will find yourself agreeing to nearly anything just for the sake of being agreeable.  This is dangerous – before long, you might end up unintentionally trampled by the will of your partner.


What can you do?  Resist the urge to swallow your tongue when you have ideas of your own or opinions you feel must be heard.  If you are not listened to, at the very least out of respect, then you would do well to move on to someone else.


Don’t Pretend to Be the Life-of-the-Party Type

This, above all, is the dating tip most introverts could use:  be yourself!  If you get flustered and begin to act like an outgoing and chatty social butterfly, you will soon be exhausted emotionally from attempting to fake it.  Even worse, you will have misrepresented who you really are, which is a bad way to begin a relationship.