It should be a good thing whenever a woman says, “He’s such a nice guy!” or “What a good friend you are.” However, it usually means the worst of news for a hopeful young man hoping he can win a woman’s heart the old fashioned way. Unfortunately, being “nice” (at least in the sense that you’re thinking “nice”) is usually the worst way to create attraction and flirty conversation.
Now don’t take this too hard. This does NOT mean that all women are evil and that you should start being a total ass just to get attention. It’s important to understand the dynamics of “nice guy” behavior and why it often times doesn’t work.
What is a Nice Guy?
Here’s the thing. Women accept the fact that you’re a nice guy. Before she even meets you she accepts the fact that you’re not a wife beater, a psychopath or a serial killer. She knows that you are NICE. She does not need a yearlong interview detailing what a nice guy you are. She wants to know what else there is about you that is interesting, attractive, sexy and so on.
And therein lays the problem. So many guys are still obsessed with showing their nice guy behavior on a date that they slowly convince the woman that they’re boring. That nice is all they have going for them. And really, nice guy behavior is a bit cowardly.
If anything, you want to “sell yourself” to this girl, not convince her that you’re the next Gandhi. It’s a far better idea to focus on the best assets about yourself; for example, your sense of humor, your skills and hobbies, your flirty conversation, your courage and confidence, and so on.
Nice guys fail this test because they play up their kindness (free dinners, gifts, safe and gentlemanly conversations), while the competition is busy teasing girls, having fun, cracking jokes and talking about their future. Big mistake. You have a whole lifetime to show a girl that you’re a nice guy. In the beginning, show her you’re a successful, attractive man!
How to Stop Being a Friend
Now stopping the platonic “friendship” doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a total jerk. Or that you have to run away like a coward. It simply means that you are not going to let her treat you like a friend anymore. You’re not going to let her label you as Mister Nice Guy, her backup plans, her second choice. You want something more. You deserve something better. She must understand that, and if she doesn’t then you must make it clear to her by refusing to:
Listen to her stories about dating other guys.
Listen to her personal problems. (Stuff a therapist should be hearing)
Give her free entertainment for no good reason.
Do special favors for her.
Buy her gifts and be sweet.
You’re not being rude; you’re simply canceling out the “boyfriend behavior” because clearly you are not a boyfriend!
It may be too late to escape the zone, but at least you’ll go out fighting if you tell her how you feel!
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