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Ways to Know if You Are Dating a Freak

Posted on :2012-09-17 in

All right, so by now you know that you have to take dating very carefully. There are nice guys, and jerks, and weirdos…and then there are the 100% freaks of nature out there that you want to avoid at all cost. Of course, the challenge is in identifying these psychopaths, derelicts and monstrosities before they put on a charming act and convince you they are anything but freaks.

 

Now don’t get us wrong. Different is good. Weird is good. However, you should not date someone that is obviously nuts, even if the guy is handsome or the girl is hot. Sure, you might get this psycho to bed in record time…then again, psychopaths tend to sleep with everybody.

 

And then they turn around and bury you alive like one of those creepy girls on the Deadly Women cable series. So by all means, be perceptive. Take things slow.


Ways to Know if You Are Dating a Freak

How to Know if You are Dating a Freak

 

We’ll help you out. Here are 10 ways to know almost instantly if your new crush is a freak.

 

  1. You start hearing voices everywhere you go.

If this happens, then it’s probably your freak of a boyfriend whispering to himself or trying to pretend as if he’s a ghost just to scare you into his lap. Seriously, one of the manipulative tricks crazy people use is to make you paranoid, and make you feel confused and delirious. The more frustrated you become, the more they win the game. They want you to be their partner in sanity-fighting. Don’t let them string you along.

 

  1. Half of his face is scarred up and he goes around flipping a coin.

Dating Two-Face is never a good idea and not just because he would murder you on a coin toss. Two-Face can’t be trusted because he’s a bad guy and Batman beats up bad guys. Read between the lines, friends. Crazy people often do a “Jekyll and Hyde” act even around the ones they care about. They are super sweet one minute and then a raving lunatic the next. This bad trait does not get better with time. In fact, marriage makes it grow ten stories tall.

 

  1. Your so called sweet guy is actually a cackling, mustache-stroking cad who likes flogging you and giggling about it later.

It’s so easy to confuse kindness for apology. However, you will notice when you date crazy people (and please don’t make a habit of this) that they hardly ever apologize for hurting you. They are mainly concerned with getting you on their “side” again. Even if they do apologize repeatedly, you will very quickly notice that they never actually do anything to make up for their actions or to avoid doing the same thing in the future.

 

  1. Maybe you should just stop dating crack heads for a change.

Not to sound harsh, but if you notice your guy-friend is always addicted to something--whether that something is dope, crack, meth, alcohol or even prescription pills, then run far, far away. That’s not to say that medication is the devil. However, if you are starting a relationship with someone who is at such an unhealthy place in life that they need powerful substances to escape the realities of life (or control the psychosis, whatever) you are making a mistake. It is a much better idea to wait for Prince Charming to “come down” from his freakiness and then date him later on when he’s sober, rather than reward him for simply being an addict.

 

  1. Stop dating dirty rotten scoundrels.

You know what type of guys are almost guaranteed to be closet freaks? The chronic liars. Why else would someone continually lie about little things except if (A) he’s a freak who enjoys lying for no reason; (B) he’s afraid you will discover his dark and terrifying secret, which is 100% freak city; (C) he is far too cowardly to man up and tell the truth about himself. Honesty is the best policy. Liars will always have something to hide and that’s drama you don’t need.

 

For the next five items, let’s switch things over to freaky chicks. I know a lot of you guys out there actually enjoy the idea of freaky chicks—it makes for easy sex, right? Just be warned, not everyone is just dying to sleep with you for no apparent reason.

 

  1. Your crush looks like the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme.

The more desperate she seems for sex, the less likely it is you’re just that hot, and the more likely it is she wants a commitment—now. In fact, she may be borderline schizophrenic if she’s that desperate to land you so soon. She may be running from something, extremely lonely because of her own bad choices in life, or perhaps anxious to turn your beautiful romance into an ugly codependent relationship where she verbally abuses you. Real women, well adjusted women, take it slow.

 

  1. Your date talks about f@#$ing more than you do.

It’s a dream date, right? A woman who swears, talks about sex constantly and belches like a man. The only problem is that single women typically do not act like rude married men. Chances are, if your woman is that brazen she is either a rock star rebel (meaning she’s impossible to domesticate), addicted to something, or at the very least has some major sexual issues she hasn’t resolved.

 

  1. Your girlfriend likes torturing small animals.

Whatever happened to sugar and spice and everything nice? Be observant. Stop focusing on how your date treats you, and take a moment to notice how she treats other people (and animals) around you. Is she rude to her family? Is she flippant with her friends? Is she a jerk to total strangers? Then this is characteristic behavior of her, and sooner or later, she will treat you much the same way.

 

  1. Your parents say you’re not right for her.

Now mind you, parents are far too kind to say, “You are dating a freak. Get far away from her!” They know you like someone but they are trying to be prudent. They are implying you’re not right for her, all the while thinking she is a freak.

 

  1. She makes a scene in public.

Yeah. Once you scream like a banshee, overturn plates, and swear like a sailor you know she’s freaky right? Of course, no crazy person will act like this on the first few dates. Still, if she seems starved for attention and displays negative behavior right away (as a show of cockiness or over-confidence) you might want to start taking notes.

 

Honestly, you’re better off with half the cast of the movie Freaks (who are actually nice people) than with these unapologetic psychopaths. Be careful out there!


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