10 Ways To Ditch A Bad Date
It happens to everyone. That date you thought was going to turn out, turns into a major disaster. It’s not just that you have absolutely nothing in common, but the air feels absolutely stifling. The person is nice. You don’t want to hurt any feelings, but the date is quickly taking you into sub-zero weather. So how do you get out of it?
Always have a backup plan.
Keep your cell phone handy. If your date is going badly, take a bathroom break, call up a friend with instructions to call back in ten minutes. Return to your date. When the friend calls, say you just received news that your aunt is in the hospital and your mother wants you by her side. You can escape cleanly, with no guilt as long as the date doesn’t know any of your family members.
Begin talking about your last girlfriend or boyfriend.
Confess that you still feel a great deal of passion for the person. After about thirty minutes, say, “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m over it yet. I can’t go through with this.” After listening to half an evening of sentimental whine, your date will feel very happy to let you go.
Tell your date that your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is the jealous type.
Suddenly start becoming paranoid, look anxiously at everyone around you and state you believe your ex is stalking you. After several minutes, whisper, “I think I better leave before something happens”. Walk out, looking back several times, and indicate that your date shouldn’t follow.
Tell your date you love to sing and insist on going to a karaoke club.
Monopolize the microphone and sing “My Way” ten times. It will be a long date, but you probably won’t get asked out again.
Rush to the bathroom every ten minutes.
Tell your date you had eaten shellfish earlier in the day and believe you have food poisoning.
Develop a case of allergies.
After coughing and sneezing several times, say you’d probably better go home before you have an asthma attack.
Buy a newspaper and begin reading the financial section to yourself.
With a loud gasp, tell your date you need to go home so you can get up early and rush down to the stock exchange. Leave no other explanation, just go. This only works however, if your date isn’t an accountant or invests in stock.
Take your comb out of your pocket or purse and begin examining it carefully.
Tell your date you believe you have lice and better get right home to delouse.
Talk about getting “tested” before you go on the date.
“Just to be sure….er, no particular reason…” If your date still wants to go, then insist on not using a condom with an optional grin.
Put on the mom assault.
One natural way to repel a man (or a woman for that matter) is to begin acting like a mother. So nag constantly. Criticize always. Comment on everything as if your date is a failure. Think Mrs. Costanza when in doubt. And then add “Don’t walk away from me…I am your mother!” at the end of the date. Works pretty well!
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