The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship is staying in one. But people do so all the time; they just can’t seem to call it quits.
Some people stay because they know what to expect in their current relationship, even if it’s bad, and are afraid of change. This sort of thinking is bound to lead to unhappiness for both of you.
Just because you’ve devoted time to your present lover, doesn’t mean you should stay with him or her. If you have a bad relationship, find the courage to end it so you can find your true love. You’ll know the situation is bad if certain signs are present.
You start nagging
After your relationship passes the beginning stage, you might notice you are not getting what you need from your lover. This causes you to nag and to push until you feel satisfied. This behavior can cause you to feel anxious and angry, especially if your lover reacts by resenting you. Some naggers react by nagging even more, pushing harder and rationalizing their behavior. (“If only you would do what I ask, I wouldn’t nag.”) If your needs are still not met, this can damage the relationship: You aren’t getting your needs met, and your partner feels you demand too much. You and your partner can work to change this, but if the nagging/resenting pattern doesn’t change, you and your lover will drift apart.
You make promises you can’t keep
A person who promises to do what his or her lover asks but doesn’t follow through often feels inadequate and is frustrated by the relationship. If you feel nagged and make unrealistic promises that you can’t fulfill to temporarily appease your lover, you wind up feeling guilty and blamed. This might lead to your justifying not following through, accusing your lover of being too demanding. (“I don’t feel like doing anything for you because you nag me too much.”) The more your lover demands, the more you avoid him or her. This has now become a dysfunctional pattern. The two of you will drift apart unless you both learn to work together.
You don’t spend time together
It’s kind of an old joke that when the husband starts taking the 7:30 train home to his wife instead of the 5:30 train, the honeymoon is over. When you and your lover don’t spend time together anymore, one or both of you has drifted away. If one or both of you is regularly spending more time at the office, more time with friends or more time on the computer, you are drifting away. When it is more pleasant to do anything else than to be with each other, you are not an engaged and active couple anymore.
You don’t respect each other
If you don’t care whether your actions will embarrass, disappoint or hurt your partner, you don’t respect him or her. When one of you constantly feels demeaned or condescended to, your relationship is in trouble. This is especially true if the one who is being disrespectful doesn’t realize he or she is doing so and makes no effort to change. The only direction this relationship can go is down.
You feel indifferent
When you are affected in a good or bad way by something your lover did, it shows you care. But if you don’t care what your lover does, you have become indifferent. Your relationship might seem to be just fine because you don’t argue, but you are really operating on autopilot. If you have no emotions anymore for your lover, you have drifted away. You are more like two acquaintances or two roommates. If you feel indifferently toward your partner, something is wrong. If you catch this early enough and work on it, you can save your relationship.
You don’t have much in common
Once the initial attraction stage ends, you might discover that you lack common interests. You can’t build an entire relationship based on looks alone. If the two of you find you have nothing in common and therefore don’t spend time together, you will naturally drift apart. You don’t need to share all your interests with each other, but you should enjoy doing something together.
You argue constantly
Disagreements are normal in any relationship, and sometimes you need to argue them through. But if you and your lover are constantly arguing, you might have drifted apart emotionally. Endless bickering signals deeper trouble in a relationship and is not a pleasant way to live. The two of you just might not be right for each other if you constantly have to work on things, if one of you feels the other can’t do anything right or if you keep rehashing issues from the past.
You stop operating as a team
Couples often think of themselves as a team and help each other go through life. They support each other in terms of career growth and during tough times. When the two of you stop being a part of each other’s lives and fail to operate as a team, you have become an ineffective couple and your relationship probably will not last much longer. A good relationship operates on the principle that two heads are better than one. If you try to get through life alone or team with someone else, your relationship has drifted apart.
You start cheating
When one or both of you starts looking for romantic excitement outside the relationship, you have drifted apart. Some people cheat and then blame the partner for driving them to do it, which shows a lack of respect. If one of you cheats one time and is truly remorseful, the two of you can work things out, but if one of you is a serial cheater, there is no hope of saving the relationship.
Real communication ends
When all you talk about are mundane things such as errands you did that day, you are in danger of losing intimacy. If you are not talking with your lover about your innermost feelings and thoughts, the relationship is in trouble. You and your lover should be discussing your hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes and any problems. You have surely drifted away if you are talking about these intimate subjects with someone else instead of your lover.
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