Top 10 Signs Your Buddies Hate Your Girl
If you’ve got a group of tight buddies, introducing new members isn’t a comfortable task. Invariably something about the introduction just doesn’t click with one, throwing the rest into alignment as surely as planets revolving around the sun. It’s not so much of a problem when the new person happens to be male. You simply make your apologies and make excuses to your new friend as to why you can only chat with him during lunch hour.
However, the situation becomes different when you introduce your girlfriend. After all, she’s part of your life now, therefore an automatic inclusion into the buddy group; except that sometimes the group isn’t quite so agreeable, and often times, they really don’t want to tell you. How can you tell if your buddies are putting on an act, pretending they’re fine with the new addition to the group, when actually they’re not?
1. The most obvious sign is during those weekly sessions when you join your buddies in Joe’s garage to work on that 1977 Nova he’s been tinkering with for ten years. They’re all drinking beer and making jokes about the new woman mayor with forty six inch long legs and a guerilla mask for a face. Suddenly they stop talking. What’s worse...no one can find you a beer.
2. When your buddies start asking you, “Where’s your ball and chain?” every time you show up without your girlfriend. This is the second most obvious sign.
3. When your buddies first begin with a serious conversation about how men are always attracted to women that look like their mothers, then slide into “yo mama” jokes, it’s the subtle knife. By pretending to make ugly mama jokes, they’re really talking about your girlfriend.
4. Those Sunday night football games are a strict ritual. Every year, you rotate between homes, spending Sunday night watching the games and filling up on potato chips. All at once, nobody’s available for Sunday night games. You find out later, they’ve been sneaking off to Joe’s sister’s house, who has always loved football but has never liked you.
5. When one of your buddies asks if you’d do him a favor and let his cousin visiting from Iowa stay on your coach for the weekend. The weekend turns into three weeks, and the only time the cousin gets off the couch is for a bathroom break and a beer. This is the direct invasive tactic, designed to cause problems between you and your girlfriend.
6. You accidentally eavesdrop on your buddies rehashing their experiences at the Metallica concert. They had all gone together and hadn’t even asked if you and your girlfriend would like to come along.
7. Joe’s sister joins the buddy group and begins picking fights with your girlfriend. This is infiltration by the enemy.
8. Your buddies all begin putting up photos online of the hot chicks they’ve dated, and some of the chicks they pretended to date. The message is, “See what you’re missing”.
9. They agree to come to your house for dinner. They all show up late, having stopped at the bar for a few drinks, and the dinner is cold. They bring two bottles of tequila, a fifth of rum and a case of beer. They then put out their best efforts to get you and your girlfriend drunk. If they don’t succeed, they leave, but not before accidentally turning over your girlfriend’s favorite lamp, breaking it. If they do succeed, your girlfriend wakes up with a massive hang-over, the buddies sprawled all over the floor, and the house a complete mess. They’ve taken the battle to the front and it’s going to be a long one.
10. Your buddies cruise by your house in Joe’s 1977 Nova. It has been completely renovated, the engine rebuilt, and looking bad with shiny new dual exhausts. The message is clear. There are no more excuses for hanging around in Joe’s garage. Either ditch the girlfriend and rejoin the group or they’re driving off to find some hot chicks to fill up the Nova without you.
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