Sure, it’s easy to make the needy guy across the street commit—he’s been dying to get married for years now. However, it seems as if the man you want, the man you may even love, has a major commitment problem. Why is this? Why are the good looking ones always so commitment phobic?
Understanding the Psychology of Men
First, understand that not all men are commitment phobic. For the sake of illustration, let’s suppose there are two types of men in the world. The first, the alpha male, the confident, suave and handsome man. The second, the needy guy who never seems to have a girlfriend. These two opposite personality types have two very different reactions to dating women.
The second type of man is so surprised and relieved to have someone interested in him that he wants to “buy” right away, out of fear of losing the sale of his life. So there are no commitment issues with him! On the other hand, the first guy is not so needy, and understands that he could probably have his pick of women should he so choose. Therefore, he is more cautious and perhaps even slightly jaded because of past dating experiences.
What can you do? Bring Him to You
The first rule of thumb is to avoid all the “dumb girl” behavior that lands so many nice women in awful relationships. For starters, do not sleep with him expecting to get any special favors. Do not go all “mom” on him and revert back to a controlling or nagging personality. Do not act like a loser, and pretend as if you need him to complete your life. Don’t cling, don’t beg, and don’t apologize.
The second rule is to focus on associating marriage and commitment with positive things. Your guy is definitely thinking about committing to you—but he is nervous about losing his freedom as a single man. What can you do to show him that he has nothing to fear?
Butter him up by giving him (almost) everything he wants whenever the two of you date. Be of a good cheery mood. Don’t give him the cold shoulder, but be accessible. Make him feel as if you are his best friend; you want him to crave your attention.
Remember, as a single woman you don’t owe him any special privileges or promises. Make this clear in action, as opposed to words. Everything he wants is only available when he commits, so be sure to talk about what he can expect when things “get serious”. On the other hand, don’t talk about how he’ll have to change, what he will leave behind, and other things he would owe you. Positive associations with commitment mean everything right now. (And don’t even mention the word marriage just to be safe) Remind him that you will always have an independent and “wild” side, regardless of whether you get married or not.
In other words, “sell” a commitment to you as something wonderful. Last but not least, make him feel as if he has to earn your serious consideration. Don’t give yourself away too easily. Make him work for it and crave the commitment—a goal worth fighting for!
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