How to Deal With Having a Crush on Your Best Friend's Boyfriend
You and your bestie share everything – all your giggles, your tears, your favorite junk jewelry or that cute top you both shopped for together. What I’m implying is that the two of you have similar (if not identical) tastes.
Now she has a boyfriend and keeps talking about how wonderful he is. Perhaps the three of you spend time together too doing activities that all of you enjoy. All of a sudden you feel attracted towards the guy – not that you planned this to happen, but life gives us many surprises too. Yes, it is a difficult situation. But it is however not the end of the world or your friendship.
Here are a few points to consider when you are having a crush on your best your friend’s boyfriend –
Give it a deep thought: Take time off to seriously consider how serious you are about the guy. Whether it is a temporary infatuation (Thank God!) or you are getting deeply involved (God help you!). The next steps you should take depends on the results of this pondering.
Try to overcome the feelings: The easiest way to keep life smooth and happy for all is to overcome the attraction. Realize that you cannot share everything your best friend has. If she got hold of him first, it is only fair that she gets to keep him too.
Get to know if the feeling is mutual: Try and understand if the attraction is mutual. This will give you a brownie point. But also keep in mind that if the guy can break off with your pal for you, he can snap ties with you too for someone else.
It will be best to wait till he breaks up with your best friend: In case you know that he is no longer gelling well with your friend, it will best to wait till they break-up. That way you will never be blamed to have come in between. Out of respect to your bestie, give it some time before you pursue the guy.
Try talking about it with your best friend: If you have always shared everything with your bestfriend, there is no reason to keep this crush a secret from her. Your friend would perhaps understand you. Also, you will feel lighter to have someone to share your feelings with.
Don’t make it turn into a competition between you and your best friend: Maintain your dignity and grace and don’t make a relationship turn into a rat race. Put yourself in your best friend’s shoes. This is perhaps not what she deserves after years of friendship.
Try spending less time when this guy is around: Do not plan activities together. It may hurt you to see the two of them together having a good time. Also, the more you spend time with him, the more you feel involved.
Judge if you will get isolated if you pursue the relationship: Consider how your friends may react when they come to know about the situation. There will always be chances of them taking sides. You may lose a few friends in the process.
Consider that you may to lose your best friend: Obviously your best friend will not take the situation lightly. She will naturally feel hurt and betrayed. She may consider the termination of friendship with you.
If you need to let go, do so with grace and dignity: You should not sacrifice your pride or self respect for anything or anyone. Whatever you decide to do, do so without being nasty in any way.
Recognize that this is a complicated situation and weigh all the pros and cons before you take any decision. Set your ego or pride aside while you do the thinking part. Life is not always about winning or losing. It is more important to coexist in harmony, especially when the feelings of your best friend are at stake.
Even after careful consideration, you believe that you are pretty serious about the whole thing and want to pursue it, go on. Otherwise, try and restrict spending time with your bestie’s boyfriend – no trying to steal a phone conversation, or an online chat, let alone meeting. Give yourself time and space and see if the crush evaporates. It may pain you initially. But perhaps, a few years down the line, you’d realize that it happened for the better and that it relieved you from creating a rift with your dearest friend.
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