How to Break Up with Someone without Hurting Their Feelings
Breaking up with a person without hurting her/his feelings is a Utopian concept. When you initiate a breakup, you shock and hurt your partner. But by following a few simple measures you could soften the blow.
Time it right – Whether you have known the person for just about a few weeks, or for years, you would not want to spoil the person’s special days. Be considerate. Do not break the news if you know that the person has an important exam coming up, or a deadline at work, or has her/his birthday in a few days. Breakup will bring about a downtime in the person’s life. Time it such that it’s easier for her/him to sort out the emotional turmoil.
Do not play the blame game – It is important to be gentle. Don’t be judgmental. The simplest way of putting your idea across is by saying that you do not feel the connection anymore, and it’s no point carrying on a relationship like that. Even if you feel that the person is not worth the effort or the patience, taking the “It’s not you, it’s me” stance will give your approach a empathetic angle.
Be precise – It’s best to be precise and to the point. No use bad mouthing each other or bringing up past issues. Every relationship goes through phases of tension. But if that does not directly influence your reason of breaking up with the person, it’s best not to bring up moments from the past. It might make the person feel defensive and make it difficult for her/him to accept the situation.
Make your intentions clear – Before you approach to break the news, give it a thorough thought. Make sure that this is what you want. One you make up your mind, stick to it.
Do not malign the person in front of her/his friends – Breakup entails rejection bringing about hurt and emotional turmoil. The last thing you should do to aggravate the situation is to insult the person in front of her/his friends.
Choose carefully where you break the news – You can never be sure of how the person would react to the news of breakup. As such, it’s best to choose the spot carefully. Avoid public places. Avoid situations where the person would have to drive back home immediately to avoid risks of unsteady driving. Also, avoid favorite spots of the person so that memories don’t torment him every time she/he visits the place.
Do not create a scene – As a mature and sensible adult, the last thing you should do is to create a scene. Shouting, fighting etc will not help in any way. Make the drifting apart a gentle process to minimize the hurt.
A clean break is always a better option – It is better not to commit to friendship or anything like that while you breakup. It may make the person hope for patch-up. Let life take its own course.
Convey the message face to face – Breaking up via SMS, phone or email conveys a message that you don’t want to even face the person anymore. No matter how difficult it might seem, meeting the person would make her/him feel that you have respected her/him as an individual and also valued the time spent together.
Wish her/him the best for the future – With malice towards none should be your attitude at this point. You might not be inclined towards this person romantically. You might not feel any connection with the person anymore. But that shouldn’t stop you from wishing the person well in life.
It is difficult to break a bond without hurting anyone’s feelings. But these ten simple precautions would make the process more humane.
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