After a long time out of the game, it’s tough to be self-assured about anything, let alone feel confident about being intimate again. The vulnerability of exposing all your flaws to someone new is especially challenging when you were burned by your last encounter.
No matter how much you would like to avoid it, though, you will have to get back on the horse and ride again – there’s no way to avoid it if you are hoping for a healthy relationship.
You might be apprehensive, but put these four tips to use and you will be on top of it all again:
Shed Your Preconceived Notions
There is nothing that gets in the way of a good connection quite like believing you already know everything.
When you refuse to allow someone to fill the holes in your thinking, you brush off the pleasure of new ideas and experiences.
Yes, this requires you to be honest about things you haven’t done and open to someone else’s notions of what is “good” or “right” but you will likely find at least some enjoyment in it, whether or not you agree it’s something worth implementing as your relationship progresses.
Talk About What You Want
It’s a simple truth in life that you will never get what you don’t ask for – everything from cars to sandwiches to jobs follows this underlying rule. If you have a need that isn’t getting met or something you like you want to see taken care of, then you must be straightforward with your sweetheart about it.
Imagine, for a moment, if you had been making your favorite peach cobbler for years and your lover finally said, “I’d love it if you made a cherry pie instead. I’m allergic to peaches.” How hurt would you be? Give him or her the benefit of the doubt when you speak up and realize that, if he or she reacts negatively, you may be better off with someone else.
Reciprocate as Often as Possible
Now that you have said your piece, be willing to go the extra mile and answer the requests of your other half. You may think diving into a dark cave is a ridiculous way to have fun, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to him or her! The fact you even try it once will be a big deal, so go for it and see what is so great about the experience. Is it the leap from the rim?
The anticipation of getting there? Overcoming your desire to avoid it? Deep down, all of these questions point to fears and, when you show what you are afraid to do, you are ultimately demonstrating your respect for your sweetie. Strange as it seems, it will likely bring the two of you closer than ever.
Discuss Your Emotions
You might be confused or worn out or exhilarated, especially after you have knocked down all the walls you put up in the first place. Talk about this with your loved one, as it helps the two of you to process the experience together. You might mention your misgivings ahead of time and how he or she made you feel comfortable.
Maybe you can discuss how much care they showed in preparing you for the moment you finally let your guard down. Above all, this type of communication will only make your relationship stronger and set you up for greater intimacy as you continue through life.
AAPOD : 05/04/2013
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