Relationships are complicated, that’s no secret. Sometimes, after a knockdown, drag out fight, you feel the urge to get even with your girlfriend.
Fairness is a natural human desire, one we all seek to ensure in everything from business dealings to sporting events.
When it seems you got the short end of the stick, you have to take a few deep breaths and make sure you aren’t just acting out of spite – and putting your connection at risk.
Before you head off to make a plot to right all the wrongs, think about these four things and you may save yourself a whole lot of trouble:
What’s her point?
Any time a man makes the effort to wrap his head around a woman’s ideas, he inevitably ends up confused.
The differences in our communication styles and what is important to us are, gender-wise, quite different. Think about what she is trying to say instead of just assuming she is trying to punish you.
Have you been inconsiderate? Did you ignore her needs for the sake of your own? Before you begin planning your revenge, give her the benefit of the doubt and attempt to see her side of the story.
What’s the real problem?
Once you are done looking at why she has said or done whatever has you offended so much, do some deep thinking about why you are so upset by it. Are you reflecting past troubles with an ex-girlfriend on your current sweetheart?
Do other stressors in your life make you more likely to feel worn down and angry? Despite what you may think, sometimes there are underlying causes to your desire for justice. If you remember the way your former lover talked down to you, for example, you are more likely to seize on the slightest critique as an all-out attack.
Is there a constructive solution?
Look, it’s completely understandable that you want to strike back. As men, we are built around displays of respect – and when someone’s actions do not match up with what we perceive we deserve, we often seek combative means to earn it.
Fortunately, you can’t just challenge your girlfriend to step outside for a little bit of fisticuffs. This forces you to think about a way to convey your injury to her in a way that will allow the two of you to talk it through. And, if you are able to figure it out, you have a great opportunity to make your relationship stronger going forward.
Is it worth it?
Assuming you’ve got through the previous three questions and are still seething, you have to wonder whether risking your reputation is an acceptable risk. Or, if you really want to get down to it, you will determine if you want to stay in the relationship at all.
Let’s say this insult is part of a pattern that has gone on for a while. If you have made your thoughts known and given her the opportunity to change her actions, it may be time to call it quits and move on to someone you can develop a mutually beneficial bond with.
- Valentine's Day (44)
- Boyfriend (46)
- Gift Ideas(12)
- Kissing (20)
- Romantic Ideas(29)
- Dating (62)
- Relationship (204)
- I Miss You (2)
- Sorry (2)
- Friendship (39)
- Flirting (67)
- Cheating (16)
- Marriage (28)
- Divorce (5)
- Honeymoon (1)