Can You Be Friends With An Ex after a Breakup
So you two had the best of times together. You two gelled well. Of course you did! Why else did you “couple” up! But people change. Times change. Situations change. And perhaps you have decided to drift apart.
In a Utopian world, if two adults decide to drift apart, snapping the bond shouldn’t be a problem. But we are dealing with real life scenario where a lot of factors make a break-up a painful experience. Clinging on to your partner post break-up may prolong the pains.
Here are a few aspects to consider before you decide to remain “friends” with your ex --
Facilitate the process of Drifting Apart: Breaking up is not a snap of the finger event. It is a lengthy process involving emotional turmoil. Too much memories, moments of life get entwined when one is into a relationship. Being in contact with your ex will make it more difficult for you to drift apart from each other.
Examine Motives: If one person is more eager to maintain the ties it is important to examine the motives. If it is because you treasure each other as nice human beings, well, that’s cool. But why then you decided to break-up? Surely there are some oddities between the two of you. This my create trouble later.
It risks prolonging the pain: In an ideal situation, two consenting adults would agree upon mutually and decide upon the break-up. But in real life, generally one person initiates the process. This person breaks the heart of the other partner who was probably still deeply involved. The heart-breaker this causes bitterness, anger, pain and resentment to the other.
Jealousy prevents moving on: Sounds rude. But have you considered if your ex may sabotage your chances of exploring the dating scene all over again? It may happen out of sense of jealousy and possessiveness.
If passion lingers even in one person, it may be hurtful: If passion has weaned away from the hearts of both the partners, well, I wonder if they would still want to remain in touch. If even a speck of tenderness remains in any one of them, it can cause a lot of pain and trauma.
It may act as constant reminder of good times and the bad ones: Every relationship has its fair share of good times and the bad. If you decided to break up, chances are that the ratio of the bad has been more, at least in the recent times. Constant reminder of the past, good or bad, will hinder moving forward.
It may create problem when one of you decide to try the dating scene once again:Accepting someone else in your ex’s life or the vice versa scenario may cause hurt, pain and anguish. Human mind cannot be devoid of jealousy and a sense of possession. This might make things difficult for your new mate. It’s always better to start on a clean slate with no carryon baggage.
Human mind is a complexity of emotions and reactions. The head and the heart do not always abide by the rules of each other. This creates confusion. To avoid all these and much more it’s better to go for a permanent closure if you decide to break-up. Learn to say NO even if you have a tender spot for the person concerned.
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