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How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship ?

Posted on :2012-07-06 in

No relationship is manipulative at the initial stage. Even though people fall in love after accepting the characteristic flaws of each other, some relationships appear controlled or manipulative by one partner after a certain period of time.


But no matter how much you love your partner, manipulative relationships are not healthy at all. After a certain point of time you too will realize it and may feel trapped. But then you may have no options left to resolve the issue other than a separation.


The cons of a manipulative relationship are plenty, but the most important of them is that it is affecting your self-esteem.

How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship ?

Manipulative relationships damage your self-esteem. The controller always tries to impose upon you that you are nothing without him/her. Whatever you do, you can never satisfy him/her. You may know that the other person is responsible for an action, but you can not make a point, for the simple fact that he/she would refuse to take any responsibility. You may also feel a constant guiltiness, even though you have done nothing wrong. And what is more ironical is that you not only accuse yourself, but you also won’t want to forgive yourself for something, which you never did. For example, the controller may blame you for a bad working day. And you would also blame yourself for this, even thought pointlessly.

The controller always tries to control your relationships as well as your personal life. It destroys your individuality. If you are in a controlled relationship, you know that you are not allowed to possess a unique identity, desire, emotion, and even creativity. The controller not only controls your emotions but also can interfere with your relationships. He/she may instruct you whom to talk with, whom to befriend with, where to go, what to wear and even what to eat. In a nutshell, he/she will take complete control over your life. You may get praise from the manipulator, but you must know that it is not at all genuine. The controller often uses the weapon of false praises, simply because he/she wants emotional response from your end.

You know something is wrong but you can not make a move. There is always a lack of communication. Even though, you may want to start a healthy communication, but the controller may not want it, because he/she does not want to confront with his misdeeds. In most of these cases, instances of fights and mild aggressiveness are not uncommon.  May be the manipulator would not hurt you, but he/she may want to end the discussion by hurting himself/herself. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it is better to consult a counselor first. But still is all these efforts prove to be in vain, you need to face the truth, how much cruel it may appear!

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