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Steps to Break Up with Someone and Remain Their Friend

Posted on :2012-08-05 in

There’s no easy way to split up with someone, regardless of how long you’ve been together. Its even tougher when you want to break up with someone and remain their friend. 

 

The fact of the matter is, despite all you find attractive about a person, sometimes you lack the spark to fire a relationship into the future.  It happens all the time and is no reflection on the people involved, it’s merely that two individuals must have a certain kind of chemistry in order to become one couple. 

 

If you have come to the conclusion your relationship is missing that certain special something but would like to make sure you can maintain a connection, there are four things you must do:


Steps to Break Up with Someone and Remain Their Friend
  • Be Honest As You Shut the Door

Nobody likes being told something is coming to an end.  Chances are good the person you are dating will be blindsided by your revelation, ask a lot of questions in the hope of fixing everything and possibly even beg you to stay. 

 

You must tell them exactly how you feel, express your regret that it will not work out and be firm in those feelings.  If you leave even the slightest possibility of a reconciliation open, you are more likely to be resented when you go on to pursue new relationships.

 

  • Give Them Space and Time

If your former flame had any amount of feelings for you, they will be walking away with a wounded heart, to some degree.  This may take weeks or months – or even longer, depending on the length of your relationship – to heal. 

 

It is crucial that you respect this process of healing run its course without interfering, otherwise you are just hurting them all over again each time.  When you really value someone for their sense of humor, for example, it can be incredibly tough to lose out on all the shared laughs.

 

Avoid confusing the person you’ve separated from by attempting to keep in contact and cut them a wide berth for a while – it is selfish of you to do anything else.

 

  • Reach Out After a While

The truth of the matter is, knowing when the right moment is to establish a friendship with an old lover is tricky.  Though they may have moved on with someone else (or a few different people), they might still have some emotions that need to be handled with regards to you.

 

When you finally decide to make contact again, shoot them a message that is very specific about your intentions.  Say something like, “Hey!  I miss your jokes a lot. 

 

Really do hope we can be friends at some point in the future.  Be well.”  This reminds them of the good times while also describing what you are looking for, which is important if you are to develop a relationship without romantic overtones.

 

  • Be OK When You Get Denied

Let’s face it: you may have to wait a while to get an answer, if you receive one at all.  Understand that it may be better for them to not have you in their life. 

 

Having you around might be a tough reminder of heartbreak or, if they have moved on to develop a strong connection with someone new, it could be detrimental to the relationship they have going on.

 

Eventually, they might come around and you can have the friendship you are hoping for, but you have to be understanding if it never happens, too.



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